plz talk dirty to me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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