Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sobbing to NWA
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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