I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
