We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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