i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
