she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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