i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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