I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize