I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
