Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
