HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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