And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize