It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
