How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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