My nipple is on Facebook.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
