Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
