U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
