No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
its liver damage thursday
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
