I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
