if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
