This is not my ceiling
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
