im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
