I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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