I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
