Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
