I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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