Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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