I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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