but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
