I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
