first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
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Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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