That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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