Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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