can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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