just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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