ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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