I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
