Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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