I puked a lego.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
