Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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