She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
