we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
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Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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