see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
