I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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