Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
