i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
