I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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