Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
