I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I look better un-naked...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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