I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
