I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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