what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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