do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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