man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
