you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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