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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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