i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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