wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
