I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
