nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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