I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
