Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
