There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
