Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
