I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
