just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
