I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
