The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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