So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
smell my finger.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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