just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
